Te Wahine Atamai

Shawn Wilson

“But really now I think of it from an Indigenous perspective and they are saying to me, “I don’t know the ceremony very well, and I need you to show me how to do whatever it is I’m supposed to do.” And that they are afraid and uncertain” (p. 125). This quote of Lewis’ (one of the co-researchers in Wilson’s book) really struck me when I read it because I realised that at the core of my own research interests, is this exact example of how I have felt as a student of my own culture. I am aware that in this context he is referring to his own students, but I can personally relate the experience within my own world. What I am about to say might be slightly controversial, maybe even offensive to some; but something I have witnessed since starting my Masters is just how busy and seemingly unreachable academic staff are, which is interesting because of how much in this space we push relationality. It’s like when I reflect on my friends who I studied with last year, doing full immersion te reo Māori; the general perception is that kaiako are out of reach, and they also sit on a taumata much higher than us as tauira – I can feel that in the academic space as well. Now, I definitely do not think this is an intentional move by staff and I am grateful to have some who will make time for me every single time I ask for some help. I think the barrier sometimes is actually language – definitely when learning te reo Māori but also in the learning of academic languages.

I am struggling to full articulate some of my thoughts but I guess what I am trying to say is that part of what has driven my research interest is just the feeling that our stories (as learners – of a reo, Masters, etc) are important because oftentimes at the core of those stories is this deep yearning to learn, to know, and to be. It’s this same statement of “I don’t know the ceremony – te reo Māori/research terminology and frameworks – very well, and I need you to show me – because you know, and I am trying to trust you with all that inevitably comes with entering into a vulnerable space such as this. And I guess the depths of these thoughts feel quite valid to me considering we learn so much about relationality, about nurturing these connections and not allowing Western ideologies of objectivity continue to lead the way we work. Just as I witness amongst our kaiako Māori, the longer they sit in their space of knowing exactly who they are, the further away they feel from the people who are yearning to be like them. Even as a tutor this year, I have come to learn how easy it is to disregard the hardness of learning in a vulnerable space for the students. This is not a blame kōrero, nor is it a rant. It’s a reminder to the people who have been doing this for a long time, that some of us are trying to follow in your footsteps – but we need your help. And to relate this back to Wilson’s text – this in relational accountability in action.